How to communicate, if you’re not big on it
Photo: Gil Petersil
Perhaps the article should have been entitled “Networking for half the world’s population”. After all, sociologists claim that introverts make at least 50% of all the people around the planet.
In fact, I’m an introvert myself. And here’s a secret: I first started to use networking in order to be more popular with the girls. I came to realize that if I remained as shy as I used to be, I would never get any woman’s attention. So I started to do the seemingly impossible things. For example, I promised myself not to leave the café without the phone numbers of at least 3 girls.
Over time, I understood that networking is not only the key to success with the opposite sex. Without skillful communication and networking, you cannot succeed either in business or in life in general.
Is it necessary to push yourself beyond your limits?
Being an introvert is not some kind of a defect that you need to get rid of. It’s just a type of personality, with its strengths and weaknesses. And the strengths can and should be used for communication.
For example, if you are a better listener than a speaker, then listen. In a world where everyone loves to talk about themselves, being a good listener is a huge advantage and one of the best ways to get on the right side of somebody.
Photo: Michael Bogatyrev
As a matter of fact, neurophysiologists from Harvard have found out that the opportunity to talk about oneself stimulates the same brain areas as food, sex, and money. Consequently, people get comparable pleasure by simply talking about themselves.
So why not please your conversation partner, especially since the ability to listen is a “built-in” skill of many introverts. It’s funny but because of this ability we are often accused of being fond of flirting. But in fact, we simply show sincere interest in people by listening attentively and admiring their achievements.
If you are more comfortable with communicating one-on-one, rather than in a group, do so. Nobody obliges you to be the heart and soul of the company and always be the center of attention. By the way, there are always opportunities to have a one-on-one chat, even at big events.
Interestingly, one of the characteristic features of introverts is intellectuality and the profundity of thought. Therefore, they are often laconic, but eloquent – and this is also an indisputable advantage for building long-lasting relationships with people.
Here are some other things that any introvert can do for a smooth and comfortable communication:
1. Arrive at an event early
When there are few people in the room, the communication is more convenient and cozy. In addition, those who come after you will most likely start talking to you first.
2. Set achievable goals
“Today I will meet at least twenty company executives!” What for? It is better to talk with 2-3 people but do it with pleasure and sincere interest. In this case, you will get only positive impressions from the event. And next time, perhaps, you can easily increase the number of new acquaintances.
Photo: Michael Bogatyrev
3. Do your homework before an event
Try to know in advance who will attend the event. Devote a few minutes to finding information about these people on the Internet. Thus you can prepare interesting questions and possible conversation topics. You can also send messages in advance and ask some of these people for a meeting during a coffee break.
4. Rehearse your elevator pitch
At any event, you will be asked who you are and what you do. Prepare your 30-second self-presentation, a.k.a. elevator pitch, in order not to be caught off balance. Do not limit yourself to your position title. Tell people what kind of value you can bring them and do it with enthusiasm. This is when prior rehearsing in front of a mirror can come in handy.
5. Bring a friend or a colleague
This lifehack has a lot of advantages. First, together it is not so scary. Second, if you know someone at the event, you can introduce each other to them. Third, the partner is your “life-line” in case you fail to get rid of the annoying interlocutor. Your friend can easily solve this problem by saying: “I need to steal you for a minute on an urgent matter”.
6. Do not neglect online communication
If you are an introvert, then online communication is likely to work out perfectly well for you. After all, it allows you to properly order your thoughts before you put them into words.
That way Internet helped me to build relationship with Allan Pease, body language expert and the author of many books on this subject. After a brief acquaintance at the event, I maintained contact with him via email.
Every couple of months I sent him a friendly email saying “Wow, I just saw a huge billboard of you!”, “Allan, I just read an amazing article about you!” etc. This is how I followed up, just finding ways to compliment him.
With Allan Pease. Photo: Gil Petersil
When I met him again, I was very pleased to know that he remembered who I was through the emails that I kept on sending him.
He thanked me for sending these to him and said they had helped him stay motivated knowing how many people like him in Russia.
You can do the same: try to be useful to people, even in small things. For example, send a link to an article or a book that, in your opinion, will interest your contact. After all, you don’t have to be an extrovert for this.
Finally, if you absolutely do not want to attend any events and leave your comfort zone, it’s not a problem either. Just start organizing your own events. I did exactly that and founded my own Speakers bureau MeetSpeakers.
Now we bring famous international speakers to major cities of Russia, and there are always opportunities for networking.
Photo: Gil Petersil
By the way, many famous people are also introverts. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Meryl Streep, J.K. Rowling, Steven Spielberg – the list goes on. You have a great opportunity to fill up their ranks.
Just remember the most important thing: an introvert prepared for networking can give a head start to any extrovert!