How to ask for help in the right way
We often feel uncomfortable with asking for help, even when we are desperate for it. Where does it come from? First, we are embarrassed to burden others. Second, we don’t want to feel obliged afterward. And finally, some people consider help request a sign of weakness.
How reasonable are all these fears? Let’s sort things out.
If you don’t want to burden others, don’t ask for huge favors
Don’t ask a person to help you lift a fridge to the 10th floor with no elevator in the building. In such case what you really need is not assistance but a mover on a paid-for basis. While if you ask to recommend you a good household appliance store with a door-to-door delivery, a competent person would easily give you a great tip.
In order not to feel obliged, always help out first
Helping others is like opening accounts in several banks at once. You invest in the future so that your deposits would be returned with interest. No big deal if some of those “banks” can’t reimburse. You have enough deposits not to be left destitute throughout difficult times.
Helping others is like opening accounts in several banks at once
Requesting help means displaying strength, not weakness
Not everyone is able to acknowledge a problem and say it out loud. Expressing vulnerability is an attribute of a strong person. Besides, we ask for help not only to get rid of a problem but, for example, to learn something new. If a person wants to grow and develop, it is worth respect.
Requesting help has other benefits as well. It is a way to show people that you trust them and acknowledge their expertise in the area. It also helps break potential barriers between you. Besides, the more you ask people to help you, the better is your immune response to fear. So I recommend asking for assistance at least 2-3 times a day so that eventually you could do it flawlessly and confidently.
Requesting help is a way to show people that you trust them and acknowledge their expertise
Getting turned down is not an issue. But in order to increase your chances for help, I recommend you to follow these simple tips:
1. Be specific
The more specific you are the better, preferably with time limits set. For example: “Could you introduce me to Walter from the company X at the upcoming event?” It sounds much more precise and clear than “Do you have any contacts in British companies?”
Fast Fact
Results of a social experiment showed that people on streets were reluctant to answer a homeless person’s request to give him some money. While when he asked for an exact amount of 17 cents, 36% of people donated him an average of 37 cents. So, always ask for specific things.
2. Ask for what doesn’t take much time and effort
As I mentioned above, the task you set should be easy and comfortable for the person. People are mostly willing to give advice, share personal experience and recommendations. Consider it when you formulate your request.
People are mostly willing to give advice, share personal experience and recommendations
3. Be grateful
Show your sincere gratitude for help, don’t take it for granted. And, of course, be the first to help others.
By the way, if you helped someone and they said “Thank you”, do not rush to respond “Not at all” or “You are welcome”. Robert Cialdini, a famous psychologist, recommends replacing these words with such a phrase: “I am sure you would do the same for me”. The principle of reciprocity is in human nature. In that case, you will for sure receive help when you need it.
Most often we underestimate our network, while people are happy to be helpful. So, if you need help, just ask for it. You’ll be surprised at how quickly and easily you can get it.