How to improve your communicative skills
I once attended an event where I got to hear a famous Swedish traveler and international speaker Johan Ernst Nilson. His speech, entitled “Everything is possible, the impossible just takes more time,” really inspired me and I was very excited to meet Johan.
But at the end of the event, a crowd of people was already waiting for him. One remarkable group consisted of tall beautiful women. They also wanted to meet Johan because he mentioned during his speech that he was single and looking for a wife.
I understood that I practically had no chances comparing to such competitors. Still, failure was not an option. So I quickly walked up towards Johan with a lot of passion and energy and just put my hand in front of me and said: “Hi Johan, my name is Gil. We represent incredible people just like you. We’d love a chance to invite you back to Russia soon so that you could share your story with other people”.
This was my first contact with this amazing person, followed by a series of personal meetings and joint events. Our company organized some of them specifically for Johan. Now he is one of my mentors, we continue to communicate and introduce each other to people who are changing the world for the better.
With my wife Ekaterina and Johan Ernst Nilson
I told you this story to show by its example that the right communication can be the first step to the fulfillment of a dream. To capture Johan’s attention at the first meeting, I used all available communication resources that could only be used in 10 seconds:
- Confident body language: straight back, open gestures, hand extended for a handshake
- Compliment: I called Johan an incredible person, and I did it casually and sincerely
- Short self-presentation, where I showed the value I can offer
- Invitation to further conversation on the designated topic
I understand that the advice “follow my lead” can puzzle you. Indeed, some people find it difficult to overcome shyness and even begin a conversation. But like any other skill, the ability to communicate effectively comes with practice. So now I would like to give you some recommendations, what exactly you need to do in order to develop your communication skills.
1. Practice in front of a mirror
You can start with facial expressions. Smile at your reflection, then try to show different emotions on your face: joy, sadness, sympathy, interest, etc. This is a great way to get to know yourself and see how you look in this or that situation. But actually, it is not necessary to be able to depict the whole range of emotions on your face. To tell you a secret, in most cases a friendly and sincere smile will be enough.
Another no less important part of non-verbal communication is, of course, the body language. Keep your back straight and your hands open. By the way, the hands for many can be a “problem zone”. Keeping them in your pockets or crossed on your chest is a bad idea. Personally, I prefer to support my speech with gestures. Just don’t do it too actively.
Lifehack
Even a more powerful technique than training in front of a mirror is watching yourself on video. Record a video with a 30-second self-presentation, and then watch it several times. What did you notice? Perhaps you were nervously twisting a pencil in your hands or there were too much “umm…” and “well…” in your speech. It’s not a problem because now you know exactly what you need to work on.
2. Control the pitch and the volume of your voice
If I ask you which person seems more attractive to you, the one with a high-pitched voice or a low-pitched voice, I am sure that you will answer: “Low-pitched.” People with deep voices are perceived as more authoritative, self-confident and charismatic. And this applies to both men and women. It’s the low frequencies that make the female voice sound velvet and sexy.
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It’s no surprise that such people always have an advantage in a conversation. Therefore, do not treat your voice as a given and a personal physiological feature. Work on it. Listen to your recorded voice and decide what you would like to improve: the pitch, the tone, the volume, anything else? You can also ask your friends and relatives for their opinion.
There are a lot of tips on developing the voice on the Internet, but it will be even more effective to enroll in a special training course where you will receive individual recommendations from an expert.
3. Prepare conversation starters in advance
Depending on the situation it is useful to have 3-4 conversation starters up your sleeve. Of course, the rehearsed self-presentation is a must for a networking event. But quite often you can use personal news to strike a conversation.
That’s right, talks about the weather are outdated. People are more willing to open up to you if you open up to them first by telling a personal story and sharing some positive emotions with them. For example, you can say that today you’ve been smiling all day because your kid has finally learned to ride a bicycle. It is very likely that the person you shared it with will immediately remember how he taught his children to ride a bike or learned to do it himself.
Remember that emotions create strong bonds. Both in everyday life and in business, it is important that you see people in front of you instead of “leads” or “contacts”.
4. Master the art of storytelling
Further to the previous paragraph, I strongly advise you to learn how to tell stories. It is always easier to interest someone by telling them about your practical experience and letting them feel what you’ve gone through. When they realize that there were pain, joy, success, and failures in your life, others will perceive you as a “man of the people” and, therefore, trust you more.
Photo: www.depositphotos.com
You can learn more about this skill, and also find a few ideas for your stories in my article “The Mastery of Storytelling. How to Engage People with Personal Stories”.
5. Use the “secret technique” of diplomats
This technique is great for almost any situation, including difficult negotiations, that’s why it is successfully used by diplomats. At the beginning of the conversation do not hurry to go straight to the point. First, talk to the other person about what’s interesting to him or her. Of course, this implies that you already know something about the person. For example, you can discuss the news about their favorite football team, or a new book by a trendy writer. Listen carefully and show sincere interest. This simple secret will help you build a trusting relationship.
And finally one more tip: think of one or two public people whose communication style you like. Watch their interviews, speeches and adopt their tactics. Choosing a role model and following their example, you will improve your communicative skills much faster.
So, here are the basic steps that can help you master your communication skills. The main thing is don’t leave it as a theory. Implement and practice!
- Practice non-verbal communication in front of the mirror: facial expressions, posture, gestures, etc.
- Watch yourself on video and see what you need to improve.
- Work on your voice. To change its pitch, volume and other characteristics, enroll in a special training course.
- Use ready-made conversation starters depending on the situation.
- Learn to tell interesting stories.
- Let the other person speak about what is interesting to him or her. Listen carefully and show sincere interest.
- Find the “role model” whose communication style you like, and adopt their techniques.